Fourth grade was the first time my daughter was called the “R” word. Lindsey hated recess. “No one plays with me,” she said. Every time I heard she played alone, my heart broke. One day the principal called to tell me of an incident at morning recess.
“Hey shaky hands,” a girl taunted my daughter. Freckles sprinkled across her nose; she didn’t look like a mean girl. Her friend didn’t look mean either.
“What a retard,” the second girl yelled, joining the first girl’s taunts.
“Yeah, you’re just retarded,” said the first girl. Then both girls spit in Lindsey’s direction. A wad of saliva landed on my daughter’s arm.
But the principal didn’t call just to tell me about the girls or how Lindsey balled her fists and stood her ground, too angry to speak. What the principal wanted to share was the part about a popular, athletic classmate who came to my daughter’s aid.
“Hey, Linds,” Scott von Weller said as he sauntered by. “Are these girls bothering you?”
Lindsey didn’t lower her fists or take her eyes off the girls.
“Leave her alone,” Scott told the girls before walking away.
After that day, one popular student spoke to my daughter in the halls, high fiving as they passed by. Then another, and another. By speaking up, Scott made my daughter’s life a little bit more pleasant. I’m not saying Lindsey was never teased again, but it certainly wasn’t cool to harass her. When she graduated from high school, at first no one offered to walk into the ceremony with her. Scott and another popular student insisted on escorting Lindsey down the aisle. My heart soared.
Today I told Lindsey and Nick about the Spread The Word To End The Word campaign. This organization hopes to end the use of the “R” word.
“I wish that word had never been invented,” Nick said. “To me it sounds like a dirty word.”
Lindsey nodded. “It’s not a nice word. It’s inappropriate to say and it hurts my feelings,” Lindsey added.
Nick told me that when people stare and snicker at him, he used to try and ignore them. Now he stares back. If he hears someone use the “R” word, it makes him feel like he’s not human, that that person thinks he is stupid. “And nobody wants to feel stupid,” he said. “It hurts me on the inside.” Nick moved his hand over his heart and tapped his chest three times. “Right here. It hurts me right here.”
Both Lindsey and Nick say they never liked that word and hate it when people make fun of them. Nick says he feels frustrated and mad, but he knows he can’t do anything about it, “but I feel like a target when someone uses that word.”
Lindsey scratched her chin and thought about what should happen to perpetrators who use this word. “Maybe they should have their mouths washed out with liquid soap, or they should have to dig a big hole and stand in it and have people stare at them for a change.”
Lindsey said she hasn’t heard the “R” word as much recently and hopes the campaign is successful because the word is just plain, “ugly.”
“I still hear that word all the time,” Nick disagreed. “I hope the campaign works too. That word should be eliminated.”
My first book will be coming out September 26, 2017. If you are interested in learning more about Loving Lindsey: Raising a Daughter with Special Needs, please click here.
If you are interested in more posts on this subject and have not heard of John Franklin Stephens, you should check him out. He is a Special Olympics athlete who penned a Letter To Ann Coulter over a year ago. I was so impressed and moved by that piece, I shared it. Now he’s back with another great post: I Am The Person You Hurt When You Use The “R” Word. Please take time to read both these amazing pieces too.
