After Lindsey and her husband ended their relationship, John and I worried our thirty-five-year-old daughter with developmental delays might not bounce back into a solitary life so easily. I worried she might be lonely, that she would be out looking for a new love, or she might struggle to make new friends.
But none of our concerns have come to fruition.
Every time we see Lindsey, she tells us, “I’m never gettin’ a boyfriend ever again. It’s too much work.” I nod, watching my girl cover the pillows on her bed with the quilt her great-grandmother handstitched for her long ago. With tremoring hands, Lindsey lays her Cabbage Patch Kid’s head on the pillow. She concentrates so hard, you’d think she was positioning a real baby on the bedspread, and I smile. Lindsey tells me about all the friends she’s made at her new place and adds, “Single is the way to go, Mom. That’s for sure.”
And here are her ten reasons why:
1. “I only have to worry about myself and no one else.”
2. “I’m very in-de-pen-dent,” she says, pronouncing each syllable haltingly and with great care. “I like to do things my own way.”
3. “I can put my babies on my bed and nobody messes them up.”
4. “I got the clean gene,” she says, pointing to her closet. Every piece of clothing is hung on a hanger, in a rather haphazard fashion, but it is hung nonetheless. “I like to keep my place tidy, and now I only have to clean up after myself.”
5. “Nobody tells me what to do,” she says, walking from her bedroom to the living room of her small apartment as I follow behind. Ever since she was born, Lindsey has been a strong-willed, stubborn, lovable, exasperating girl. (A lot like her mother, maybe?) And she’s never taken kindly to someone telling her what to do. So it is good that she recognizes this trait in herself, and I think: We’d all do so much better if we could just acknowledge our more challenging characteristics.
6. “There’s no one to argue with when you’re alone,” she says, explaining that her apartment is peaceful and quiet. I peer around the living room and see her two cats, Cuddles and Sally, purring on the sofa. “I like it that way.”
7. “I get to watch whatever television show I want.” Lindsey picks up the remote control and points it at the TV. “When you live with someone else, you have to share the TV, and you have to worry about disturbing others.” She clicks on a rerun of Full House. “I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I like it better this way.”
8. “I can play my favorite music and dance and sing,” she tells me. “And I can do it as loud and as long as I want.” Lindsey has always danced like no one is watching (an attribute I wish I possessed) and I imagine my daughter rocking out to Brittany Spears or The Chipmunks. I’m tickled that either of these artists would be considered equal in Lindsey’s world.
9. “I can do my puzzles and leave ‘em out on the table for as long as I want.” The Hello Kitty puzzle on Lindsey’s kitchen table has a layer of dust. It’s been there since the week after she moved in, and it doesn’t look like she has plans to move it to any other place in her apartment in the near future.
10. “And I can take naps whenever I want.”
Personally, I like Lindsey’s last reason the best. In fact, a nap sounds pretty darn good right now.
My first book will be coming out September 26, 2017. If you are interested in learning more about Loving Lindsey: Raising a Daughter with Special Needs, please click here.
Every so often, I’d like to recognize an organization that does great things for people with special needs.
Albertina Kerr helps children, adults and families in Oregon with mental health challenges and developmental disabilities, empowering them to lead fuller, self-determined lives. They were recently named Oregon’s 2nd most admired non-profit organization. If you would like to learn more about their services, volunteering, or donating, please click on the above link.
